Doctors . . .

. . . have it made. They're experts. But not just any kind. They're one of the few experts the vast majority of people from all parts of the world yield to ever so willingly. You know why? Because people get boo-boo's. That's right; people hurt. Pain. That sharp pain in your side is enough for you to do whatever the hee haa the guy in the white suit says.

"Twenty jumping jacks every morning. Don't eat pop tarts anymore. Oh, and take these pills."

"Sure thing, Doc. As long as this pain goes away."

Now, what if you're idiotic thoughts hurt? What if you're poor conclusions, faulty reasoning, glaring contradictions, and omnipresent fallacies gave you a sharp pain in your eye? Maybe then you'd run to us Philosophers (because I'm a Philosopher and I know other Philosophers). Maybe then you wouldn't be so reluctant to listen to a Philosopher's explanation of why your premises don't entail the conclusion you purport.



Here's a conversation I had with a girl I just met last night.

"So do you go to school at Central Methodist?"

"Yeah. Well, no. I do, but I don't."

"No, you do or you don't. It can't be both."

"Technically, it can be."

"Impossibly, it can't be."

"You see, I took my last final earlier this morning. So, I'm done with my last class to graduate."

"So, you're done then. You've graduated. You're no longer attending the school."

"I do though. I was just there. I took my final and I'm done, but I took my final this morning. I was there so I'm still enrolled."

"I was at my house this morning, but it doesn't mean I'm in my house now."

*Silence*

Me: "So what did you get your degree in?"

"Criminal Justice."

"So what are your plans? What are you going to do with that?"

"Work for the FBI"

"Whaaat?"

"Yeah, I have an interview with them this week."

"What makes you think you can get into the FBI with just an undergraduate degree in Criminal Justice from Central Methodist University."

"Because I'm bilingual."

"That's some feat. So is more than half the state of California; maybe you should tell them where to sign up for the FBI."

"Well, I have the interview. They either take you or they don't."

My thoughts: "Wow, how insightful; you get in or you don't. Good job. You're either a moron or you're not."

Me: "I don't believe you. Something sounds off."

Her to another lady that has just approached: "Hey, Linda, can you believe this guy; I just met him and he's calling me a liar."

What I wanted to say: "My mistake. I don't have any doubts that you believe what you're saying. And insofar as you think it's the truth, you're not lying to me. My problem is with what you're saying. You've been misled somewhere. People don't just walk into the FBI, especially someone from a rinky dink school."



How's that for FBI material? She's gung ho about it though. Hey, like she said, she's either gonna get in or she's not. Looks like a 50-50 chance to me. That's pretty good when it comes to the FBI. Now if only her little simple mistakes gave her acne or made her hair fall out, then she might want to reconsider her approach and pseudo-optimism.

You doctors have it made. First, people are too stupid to prevent their pain, then need you to tell them how to fix it. Then, most of them don't do what they're supposed to, which inevitably leads them back to you for a "follow up." No one's required to follow up their ideas though. No pills for rationalizations or poor assumptions; no two-week prescription that can produce testable results. Just "I have a brain and I can fill it with what I want and no one can diagnose it as needing to be fixed because my ideas don't hurt anyone else."

The Philosopher gets no credit though. He disabuses the simple man of his misconceptions only to be ridiculed by the common man. Yet, the common man praises the doctor because he can tell you to stop smoking and your health will improve. How troubling, and yet, hypothetically, not troubling.